I struggled for years to try and figure out what was wrong with me.
I seemed to know growing up I had an issue with that part of my body. As the time came, I could not use tampons. It bothered me to touch or even look at my own vagina. I had always wanted to wait for sex until marriage but I figured once I met the right person I could overcome it and things would be better.
I did finally meet the one I wanted to marry and we attempted to have sex after we got engaged but nothing was happening. My fiance suggested maybe I was tense or nervous because I had wanted to wait so we would just try again after we got married. It did not improve anything. I began to feel embarrassed and depressed. My husband tried to get me to go to a doctor but I refused. I felt like I was the only one with this problem.
We did some research online and we came across the term vaginismus. I was pretty sure this was my problem and I tried to do a self-treatment program from home. It did not help of course because I could not even insert a tampon much less anything else!
After that failed, my husband began to feel more discouraged. He said he could not deal with the fact that I would not get help and he wanted a family so he decided we should divorce. This was a very devastating time for me but going through it made me realize I had to take action if I ever wanted children or a normal relationship.
I had seen the website for the Women’s Therapy Center in New York in our research but had been too embarrassed to make contact with them. I started reading the information on the site again and decided that if I could be cured these were the ladies that could help me! I wrote to them and began the process of booking my treatment.
Me and my ex-husband had started working on our relationship again and I told him I was going to the treatment. He was very supportive and joined me for part of my time there. The treatment was a complete success and I can now use tampons, go to the doctor and have exams, and have sex!
Me and my husband got remarried later that year and we now have a beautiful daughter*!
L.H., October 2013
* Results may vary from person to person