A common statement from women with primary vaginismus or from their partners: “We believed that trying intercourse again and again, keeping at it repeatedly, will relax the muscles and cure the problem. We don’t understand why it did not.”
This intuitive self-help thinking is understandable: you work hard at something and it improves. However, the reasons why it does not usually work with vaginismus are:
- The cure has nothing to do with the pelvic floor muscles despite a widely-popular misconception that it IS the root of the problem. It is not!
- Failed penetration attempts as well as repeated painful penetrations always build up anxiety within the suffering woman, making the vaginismus bigger, more stressful, dreaded.
- Anxiety has no logic; it feeds on stress; it strengthens with emotional crisis; it traps the woman in an endless cycle of pain-anguish-more anxiety-more distress-a tighter vagina, etc.
More is only better when the cure includes anxiety management.