The following essay is from a former patient from another country who battled with primary vaginismus for several years prior to coming to us for treatment:
Before I went for treatment, intercourse was completely impossible and attempts were excruciatingly painful. Once treated, the first time we did have intercourse I was beyond excited, glowing, ecstatic! It was almost hard to believe!!!! I was finally ‘CURED’!!!!!!!!
When I got back home, I was capable of having intercourse but was still battling my anxiety, and trying to work through my husband’s pain and rejection from the previous four years of unconsummated marriage. Often, my anxiety got the better of me and intercourse was associated with pain of varying degrees. Never terrible or unbearable, but it frustrated me that it was still there at all. I didn’t feel completely ‘cured’ anymore. When anticipating sex, I found myself thinking a lot about whether it would be completely pain-free this time around. I was anxious about getting anxious. LOL!!!I spoke to Dr. Ross @ Women’s Therapy Center and received the seemingly impossible instruction: “SHUT OFF YOUR BRAIN.”
I tried so hard but found myself thinking about how to stop thinking ;). After a while, I realized that perhaps I was misunderstanding what it means to shut off my brain. I cannot stop thinking but I do have control over what I choose to think about. Rather than bemoaning the reality that I still had some discomfort with intercourse, I celebrated that I could have intercourse at all. Rather than wondering when I would finally experience consistent PAIN and DISCOMFORT-FREE sex, I accepted that being cured for me might just means I can do it and enjoy it despite a little discomfort.So often in life we focus so much on longing for what we want that we forget to appreciate what we already have. The ironic thing is that once I let go of further expectations and just decided to celebrate everything that I already had, I got what I wanted: I started to enjoy intercourse completely pain-free!!!! Yes, sometimes I still have a little discomfort here or there if I’m not lubricated enough, or when under a LOT of stress but it’s no longer devastating and it never makes me question my cure. Most times there is NO pain/training sensations/discomfort/whatever you choose to call it. We have a wonderful sex life and an awesome relationship.
I hear the following question often and my heart goes out to those who ask…”What does it mean to be CURED?” I would say it means we can do things that we were incapable of before and we celebrate all that we have achieved!! It is possible to be cured and still have room for improvement. Please don’t let room for improvement eat up your joy. Celebrate! Celebrate! Celebrate! You are an AMAZING CONQUEROR!!!
N. (Dec 2014)
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