From a husband after vaginismus cure: I no longer worry about causing her pain or feelings of shame

Posted by Ditza Katz in Painful Sex (Dyspareunia), Vaginismus Blog 25 Jul 2018

When my wife and I traveled to the Women’s Therapy Centre, I felt I had high hopes of success, realistic but high. They weren’t. My hopes were found to be low, such is the proven effectiveness of the practice and treatment provided.

We knew she had a lot of ground to cover. She would have to ‘rewrite’ many, many years of feeling like a failure. Of feeling broken, ashamed and incomplete. She jumped into it, following everything the doctors recommended and because of that, she changed.

She healed. She grew. I got the pleasure of watching her whole demeanor change. Within days, her confidence, pride and self worth had blossomed right in front of me. Her pride in and ownership of her femininity, and the strength through that is beautiful to behold.

But it wasn’t just her that the treatment was for. We are a partnership, and I had my learning to do as well. When we had sex for the first time, my wife had an expression of excited surprise on her face. When I saw her shocked expression, a feeling of concern and worry welled up within me, as it had done with each time we tried, and I asked if she was okay and if we needed to stop. I was still functioning in the old mindset and had to let go of it. I had to trust the doctors and trust in the work they were doing with her as much as she had to.

The doctors had involved me in each step and every progress my wife made, and I am so thankful they did. It meant that I could use those experiences, that knowledge, to know that she was healed. That I didn’t need to ‘protect’ her, or worry that what we were doing would cause pain or feelings of shame.

We were now free to express our love for each other in the ways we always wished we could.

– Ben (July 2018)