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I wanted to write my story from a husband, “man’s” point of view*

Posted by womentc in Vaginismus Blog 10 Apr 2014

February 11, 2009

I wanted to write you my story from a husband/man’s point of view.  I feel it is important to share my experience on the process from beginning to end.

When my wife and I started dating, everything was great until we began trying to have sex.  She would “freeze up” whenever I tried to touch her vagina (or area around it) and intercourse was out of the question. She told me she had been abused as a child and she needed to deal with it at some point. I told her, when you are ready we will deal with it together.

 After 2 years of dating, we got married and began our life together. We were married for 3 years and she finally broke down and realized that she needed help. She began to see a psychologist and after only a few sessions, she was diagnosed with Vaginismus. We were both excited because we finally put a name to the problem. So now, all we had to do was get it fixed.

 Another 2 years, 3 psychologists, 2 Gynecologists, 1 PCP, 1 physical therapist, countless books, and thousands of dollars later, we found the Women’s Therapy Center’s website. Believe it or not, we found it on our own! I say this because never once did any of them mention there was such a place. In addition, the more we learned about the condition and how prominent it was, it is surprising that we did not hear about the WTC sooner. We could have been rid of these years prior!

 The website said that Ditza and Ross were the experts on the disease and could solve it for us in no time. Now, I need to say, I am a skeptical person by nature. I needed to see for myself what they planned to do. I needed to look into their eyes, see the environment, and really be blown over on the process. Even though it was a huge issue in our lives, we wanted to deal with it in the most caring and professional way possible.

 We made an appointment for the initial consultation and traveled to Long Island, NY. From the start, I was impressed. We met directly with the Doctors and asked every question pertaining to the disease. They answered all questions in detail and in layman’s terms. They never once spoke down to us or made us feel uncomfortable or doubt their ability. They proved to me that they knew everything regarding the issue (Vaginismus) and they were going to fix it for us.

 We decided on the 2-week program since we live 4 hours from the facility. My wife was there for 5 days before I arrived and on my first visit to the office, I saw improvement in her. She was doing the exercises and was becoming more confident in her body. After each session, the doctors would sit and discuss the details of where she stood and her stage in the process.  They answered everything we would ask. They would never let us leave there with a question, or unsure of the next step, or a dinner reservation for that matter. On day eight for us, was the day we had intercourse. Even though it was not a traditional “first time”, it was absolutely wonderful. When we told the doctors how we did, they were just as excited as we were. After all these years with this hanging over us, it was solved in less than 2 weeks!

 While writing this, I have to say this is still surreal. How you can have a problem, for years of your life with no answers, and then find 2 people that know every detail of that problem and fix it, it still amazes! Not only did they solve our biggest problem, but we were educated on so many things and at the same time we made friends for life.

 Thank you Ditza and Ross*.

 Joe M.

New Hampshire

* Results may vary from person to person