I struggled for years to try and figure out what was wrong with me.
I seemed to know growing up; I had an issue with that part of my body. As the time came, I could not use tampons. It bothered me to touch or even look at my own vagina. I had always wanted to wait for sex until marriage, but I figured once I met the right person, I could overcome it, and things would be better.
I finally met the one I wanted to marry, and we attempted to have sex after we got engaged, but nothing was happening. My fiance suggested that maybe I was tense or nervous because I wanted to wait, so we would try again after getting married. It did not improve anything. I began to feel embarrassed and depressed. My husband tried to get me to go to a doctor, but I refused. I felt like I was the only one with this problem.
We did some research online, and we came across the term vaginismus. I was pretty sure this was my problem, and I tried to do a self-treatment program from home. Of course, it did not help because I could not even insert a tampon, much less anything else!
After the failure, my husband began to feel more discouraged. He said he could not deal with the fact that I would not get help, and he wanted a family, so he decided we should divorce. This was a very devastating time for me but going through it made me realize I had to take action if I ever wanted children or a normal relationship.
I had seen the website for the Women’s Therapy Center in New York in our research but had been too embarrassed to make contact with them. I started rereading the information on the site and decided that these were the ladies who could help me if I could be cured! I wrote to them and began the process of booking my treatment.
My ex-husband and I had started working on our relationship again, and I told him I was going to the treatment. He was very supportive and joined me for part of my time there. The treatment was a complete success, and I can now use tampons, go to the doctor, have exams, and have sex!
My husband and I got remarried later that year, and we now have a beautiful daughter*!
L.H., October 2013
* Results may vary from person to person