Enjoying the dilators?
A typical comment/question raised by our patients with vaginal penetration problems (vaginismus, dyspareunia, vulvodynia) as they are practicing with dilators is: “I cannot see how this will ever be enjoyable!” A valid, realistic concern; let’s sort it out:
- The treatment itself is not arousing. Read Treatment & Arousal
- For the woman, enjoyable intercourse is not fathomable when penetration is painful and distressing, or while ‘in training’
- Conversely, sexual arousal will not make penetration possible nor will it take pain away (a common misconception)
- However, once penetration is available and is pain-free, she can ‘turn on the sexual switch’ in her head and find enjoyment and arousal
Conclusion: first step is owning the vagina and being able to have vaginal penetrations in neutrality (no pain, no distress); next – opt to allow enjoyment/arousal to happen.
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I remember you explaining how with intercourse, many women are perpetual thinkers and have a hard time shutting off the brain. I also remember thinking, “how will this ever be enjoyable during treatment.” But that’s the point…once it’s automatic, you DON’T have to think anymore…and then you CAN enjoy!
Thank You, Erin! As one who has been there, you know the truth and are a living proof that this is factual.