Struggling with painful sexual intercourse or vaginismus? Contact us for help.

A typical female conflict is “how long shall I let my partner try to arouse me before I ask to stop because it doesn’t go anywhere?”

Sexual arousal calls for shutting down the thinking brain to allow physical, sexual sensations to present themselves.   This “letting go” of thinking (and/or worrying) is often a tough call for women because their sexuality is filtered through the brain, where killing an orgasm is an easy task…

Additionally, it is not unusual for women to engage sexually because they feel like doing it but because they feel they have to please or accommodate the partner.

Sexual boredom may be another reason for (initial) lack of sexual interest.

So, how long should it take to for her to get aroused? Is an hour the right amount of time, or is it too long?  Forty-five minutes?  Ten?  There are no rules and regulations in the matter — to each her own as long as

  • She is not forced into it.
  • Needed lubrication is used to avoid clitoral chafing
  • Partner is considerate of her choices (go fast, not so hard, I like this, don’t touch there, prefer oral to manual sex, etc.)
  • There is no judgment nor forced expectations – the fun is good for as long as she wants it, and it is over when she says so
  • She is not suffering in silence in the protection of her partner’s feelings

Ladies, remember: it is YOUR fun trip; take it as far as you wish.

About The Author

vaginismus specialist Dr. Ditza Katz team member Women's Therapy Center

Post a comment

Table of Contents