We often receive inquiries from young women (ages 16 through 25 or so) who are seeking treatment for vaginismus but need parental assistance with finances, insurance, and travel logistics. Sadly, many are reluctant to speak about it with their Mom for reasons such as:
- I can’t talk about sex with Mom;
- I don’t want her to think that I am having sex (which I don’t because of the vaginismus!);
- I don’t want her to know that I am sexually active;
- There is no talk about sex in our household;
- She will be mad at me;
- I don’t want Mom to tell everyone about my problem;
- I am embarrassed to speak about it;
- In my culture/religion, the vagina is saved for marriage and the husband;
- Even if I tell Mom it is about not being able to use tampons or have a gynecologic exam, Mom will be thinking SEX…
- Mom and I do not discuss intimate matters;
- I don’t want to make Mom worried about me…
And so, many of these young ladies defer treatment for vaginismus to a later date when they are independent and have their own insurance, or married, or can drive, etc. That is unfortunate because every day of living with the devastation of vaginismus adds a layer to the sadness and to feeling inadequate, or not worthy.
On occasion, though, we witness happy situations: mothers, and even fathers, who are open for discussion and who urge their daughter to seek the treatment, who help with Internet search about solutions, who are on driving duties to/from treatment sessions, who tell us that no amount of money is too high for curing their daughter, who cheer on and celebrate success.
We vividly recall one Mom who drove her daughter to our office carrying a mysterious package. When the session was over, the mother called everyone to the waiting room – her daughter included – and voila! There was a beautifully decorated cake with a message, Hooray to Tampons! Yes, her daughter was taught that day how to use tampons. Tears were flowing, hugs were flying, all were happy.
And then there was the following email titled Thankful, received last week, only few hours after their daughter and son-in-law departed back to their country having successfully completed our 2-week treatment for vaginismus:
We do not know how to even begin to thank you all for what you have done for our daughter and son-in-law. For what you have done for our whole family. You are such an answer to our prayers over the last 2 1/2 years.
As a mother, this journey with vaginismus has consumed my heart, breaking it every day that she endured this. I have spent many hours searching for help and information on her health issues. I found sites that shared the same problem but no answers. Just read many stories of women trying to find help. I saw my daughter put on her brave face and kept hope after each failed attempt of advice given, time and time again no one understood or really knew what was wrong.
I am overwhelmed with gratefulness to God for bringing my daughter to your web site last Sept. That day was the start on her true journey of health. Your “tell it like it is” approach made an huge impact on her moving up the appointment which was really crucial. Oh I’m so thankful!
You all brought light and healing in a frustrating and difficult situation.
Thank You and God bless