Last Updated on July 30, 2026
Companion Introduction
The topic of sexuality after breast cancer diagnosis and treatment is often overlooked despite its profound impact on quality of life. Recently, Dr. Ross Lynn Tabisel and I had the opportunity to explore this important subject with Jill Frank, Co-Founder and CEO of My Breast Cancer Advocate, during her podcast, “Reclaiming Sexuality After Breast Cancer: A Guide for Women.”
Our conversation explored one of the most overlooked aspects of breast cancer care: the effect of diagnosis and treatment on sexuality, intimacy, body image, and relationships.
This companion article expands on several of those discussions and shares additional clinical perspectives developed through decades of working with women and couples facing sexual concerns after breast cancer.
Our sincere thanks to Jill Frank and My Breast Cancer Advocate for creating an opportunity to bring greater attention to this important aspect of the breast cancer journey.
INTRODUCTION
“From the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer, everyone began preparing me for surgery, treatment, and survival. Why didn’t anyone prepare me for what might happen to my sexuality?”
Sadly, this question is common and quite disturbing. It implies that the “whole woman” is now reduced to attending only to the cancer portion of her being.
Yes, a breast cancer diagnosis changes the focus of life overnight. Attention immediately shifts to intervention: surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, medications, reconstruction, and survival. It is quite rare for sexuality, intimacy, and relationships to be discussed with the same attention.
The truth is that while breast cancer may modify a woman’s sexuality, it does not automatically end it. The modification differs according to the medical situation, the woman’s past sexual template, her wants, desires, style, preferences, abilities, the treatment involved, and her emotional and relational state.
Why aren’t woman given a roadmap for this part of their journey?
Women Deserve a Roadmap for Their Sexual Health From the Day of Diagnosis
Once diagnosed, the medical team will present the woman with details about upcoming tests, treatment options, additional opinions and consultations, and, ideally, explain the upcoming surgery and the recovery process in detail.
Women deserve the same preparation for their sexual health as they receive for every other aspect of their care.
By not acknowledging or addressing that aspect of her being, a woman may presume that sexual shutdown or sexual avoidance is simply a component of being diagnosed with breast cancer. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Initially, she may be completely focused on treatment and push sexual intimacy to the bottom of her priority list. She may be affected by the treatment and have little interest in, or ability to think about sexual connection. She may feel emotionally or physically inadequate, broken, or disconnected from her body.
There are many ways that breast cancer can affect a woman’s sexuality. That is precisely why it is so important for her to understand, as early as possible, what that sexual journey may look like. Preparing for that journey is every bit as important as preparing for the medical journey.
Preparing for Change Is Different Than Predicting Loss
Being informed helps us feel more comfortable with what lies ahead, and it most certainly influences our behavior. We like to know the weather, so we’ll know how to dress and plan our day. We like to hear the traffic report before leaving home. We carefully plan the trips we take. So why shouldn’t women also receive a roadmap for the breast cancer process?
Preparing for possible sexual changes, whether temporary or permanent, helps a woman navigate her expectations and facilitates an open discussion with her partner so they can coordinate their intimate life in the most constructive way while safeguarding hope for the future, once treatment is over.
This approach acknowledges that changes may occur without assuming that sexuality is now lost forever.
It is much easier to preserve something than to restore it years later.
Breast Cancer Happened to You. It Is Not Who You Are.
Being diagnosed with breast cancer immediately triggers disappointment in the body. You may feel betrayed by it. You may feel that you are no longer in charge of your body, as if it has a mind of its own, and that brings with it a tremendous sense of vulnerability and loss of confidence.
If treatment includes surgical alterations, there may also be an effect on identity as a female, as a woman, on self-image, and therefore on sexuality.
Of course, it does not have to remain that way. Cancer happened to you. It is not who you are. Your self is still there, and your self will continue to be there as you take the positive path of recognizing what needs to be done medically while preserving, and even rebuilding, your confidence, self-esteem, and value as a woman and as a person.
Remember: nobody can take you away from you if you truly believe in yourself.
When Your Body Feels Different
The body will feel different for most women with breast cancer. That may include visible changes from scarring, or more significant physical changes following a mastectomy. Breast reconstruction brings its own appearance and aesthetics, as well as changes in sensation to touch. Hormonal suppression therapy may also induce menopause, bringing its own set of changes, including vaginal dryness, hot flashes, and painful vaginal penetration.
It may be difficult to remember that despite these changes, it is still the beautiful you. That may make it even more challenging to rediscover yourself and reclaim yourself despite the cancer diagnosis.
Being intimate with a partner may present its own challenges because of changes in body image, and dating may bring a different set of fears and embarrassment as you wonder how someone else will see you.
But in reality, it is not about what your body looks like, although those changes are very real. It is about believing in who you are and believing that despite breast cancer and its visual and functional changes, you are still you.
Grieving these changes is both understandable and normal. Do all you can to find yourself again and place yourself on the highest pedestal in your own eyes.
Because that will influence how others see you and respond to you.
Focus on What Remains Instead of Building a Shrine to What Was Lost
Losses are real. Grief is normal. Regardless, adaptation is possible.
Even without a cancer diagnosis, life presents us with a series of ups and downs that challenge us to maintain as much positive emotional energy as possible in order to persevere and move forward during times of crisis. We do that by focusing on what remains, what we still have, and what we can still do, instead of mourning what was lost and believing there is no hope.
A breast cancer diagnosis and its treatment are unquestionably challenging. They call upon every emotional and inner reserve we possess. They also remind us of the importance of reaching out for help, guidance, and support, because being part of a team makes the process easier, more hopeful, and more positive.
This same concept applies to sexual intimacy. Embrace what remains. Embrace what is still available. Explore and enjoy what you can do, and what continues to bring you pleasure and satisfaction.
Quite a bit can still be had because sexuality has many components, and those components naturally change throughout life, even without a cancer diagnosis.
Focus on embracing and maximizing what remains rather than building a shrine to what was lost.
Sexuality Is Much Bigger Than Intercourse
Sexuality is a whole, and female sexuality in particular, is much more than sexual intercourse alone. The female sexual template includes the physical side of sexual arousal and climax, but it also includes affection, intimate touch, feeling desired, sharing experiences that are unique to an intimate relationship, and establishing a connection that cannot be duplicated even with your best of friends.
Furthermore, female sexuality includes quite an extensive sexual menu with many different options that can be enjoyed despite, and regardless of, a breast cancer diagnosis. Every couple’s menu is different, and it can continue to evolve throughout life.
Explore the options that are still available, and do not to limit sexuality to intercourse alone.
Preserving Connection Is Easier Than Rebuilding It Later
A diagnosis of breast cancer affects not only the woman, but also her partner and family relationships. Everyone needs support and guidance during this challenging time of diagnosis, treatment, and recovery.
While this article focuses on sexuality and intimacy, preserving emotional connection is equally important. That may include:
- Maintaining affection
- Continuing to touch, including guiding and reassuring a hesitant or worried partner
- Continuing to communicate openly
- Continuing to nurture the relationship
- Redefining intimacy
- Keeping communication about intimacy open instead of postponing it indefinitely
- Allowing intimacy to evolve throughout treatment and recovery
Remember: It is much easier to preserve connection and intimacy than to rebuild them once they have been lost.
You are not dead sexually speaking.
Different does not mean impossible.
FAQ
Will my sexual desire ever return?
Yes. Sexual desire is a natural part of being human, and overcoming sexual shutdown is often possible, especially because a woman’s most important sexual organ is between her ears. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you need guidance.
Can intimacy return even if my body feels different?
Yes. Your body may feel and look different, but intimacy is a feeling that can be expressed and experienced in many different ways.
Will my partner still find me attractive?
Ask yourself this question: Would you still find your partner attractive if they experienced a body-changing illness? It is hoped that attraction is about much more than physical appearance alone.
Is dating after breast cancer possible?
Absolutely. It is still the same you, albeit with some breast cancer-related changes. There is no reason to feel inadequate or less attractive. If someone cannot accept those changes, they are probably not the right person for you.
Is it normal to grieve the changes breast cancer has made to my body and sexuality?
Absolutely. Grieving these changes is normal, as long as grief does not become permanent. Do not hesitate to seek professional help if you need guidance in moving forward.
If breast cancer has changed how you feel about intimacy, sexuality, your body, or your relationship, do not assume these changes are simply something you have to accept.
Sexuality after breast cancer may look different, but different does not mean impossible. With education, support, and appropriate treatment, women can often rediscover intimacy, confidence, and connection.
If you would like professional guidance in navigating sexuality, intimacy, body image, or relationship changes after breast cancer, contact us at the Women’s Therapy Center. We will be happy to discuss your concerns, answer your questions and develop an individualized treatment plan designed around your specific needs.
