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Why suffer in silence?

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An updated (2020) version of this post is available here

The body is built for intercourse and women are typically able to handle it just fine.  Still, why do so many women suffer in silence during (painful, unwanted) intercourse, instead of speaking up?

  • Is this an inherent trait in women?
  • Is the partner at fault?
  • Is society to be blamed? Or culture? Religion?

Apparently, the causes are deeply rooted in the woman’s psyche and include

  1. The sense of “I do not deserve any better…”
  2. The feeling of “I am the only one who is struggling so I may as well just keep quiet…”
  3. The fear of “Partner will leave me if I speak up… I do not want to be alone…”
  4. A statement like “In my culture women submit, quietly; speaking up will have negative repercussions…”
  5. Some religions where women are expected to be subservient to the husband’s sexual wants regardless of their own feelings.
  6. The woman’s inability to say NO, to speak up her preferences!

Regardless of the reason, this suffering will typically lead to a deepening sense of victimization and/or to developing vaginismus.  After all, it is against human nature to be made helpless, hopeless, forced-upon.

Important: the vagina is a hostess to the penis! Its owner – the woman – determines if to invite the penis in, how long it can stay in, and when it is time to leave.  Have you ever thought of that in such terms?  And, did you realize that the thrusting during intercourse is a rapid, powerful physical action inside the vagina, easily felt throughout the woman’s pelvis and body?  Ouch.

Unfortunately, many women will continue to suffer in silence. We hope and pray that enlightenment will come about sooner than later.

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  • RB says:

    Excellent post and well empathized.
    I think #7, or another topic in itself, would be that some women DO speak up, only to be shot down by some ‘tunnel-visioned’ men who insist that women like that would be “crazy” since everyone is “supposed” to LOVE it. Well, apparently, such a woman wouldn’t feel like “everyone” at the moment, and it would be nice to find out why 🙂

    Again, thanks for a very important post 🙂