Women with vaginismus often find themselves negotiating relationships:
- Will he stay with me despite my inability to have sexual intercourse?
- Should I refrain from dating altogether because I am not ready for a ‘real’ relationship?
- Should I stay with a partner whom I do not like just because he ‘accepts me and my vaginismus?’
Compromising is synonymous with vaginismus and may even lead to staying in a distressing or abusive relationship just because the woman feels so worthless and defective. We had patients who opted not to date, patients who stopped dating altogether, a few who dated unavailable (married) men, and we recall one who chose to date a paraplegic because he could not attain an erection…
Furthermore, once cured, several patients told us that they could not leave the (undesired) partner because they feel indebted to them for enduring the vaginismus all that time. In other words, these women are now liberated from vaginismus yet trapped in guilt and in an undesired relationship… This is so sad because not only is there a cure for vaginismus, but also because there is no need to allow guilt to take over: vaginismus is a medical condition, and your partner could have left the relationship if he wanted!
Ladies, hold your head up and seek a suitable treatment so that you can start a fresh and positive page in life.