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Vaginismus relaxation before dilator use?

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Any suggestions for how to relax the vagina before I use the dilators for my vaginismus treatment?

This is a common question that is being raised time and again because anxiety is always a component of the condition.  To be more specific, vaginismus is a psychosomatic condition, a body-mind phenomenon that involved the worry/fear of penetration with a bodily reaction of refrain, tight vaginal opening, legs closing, and more.

Relaxation advice abound: a warm bath, meditation, yoga, visual imagery, Kegel exercises, finger massage in the vagina, sexual arousal, partner’s finger insertion, etc., but they all miss the point:  vaginal penetration (finger, tampon, intercourse) needs to be a simple body function void of ‘preparation…’

The more a woman engages in any of these relaxation means the more she is enabling her anxiety and the farther she is from a cure.  It does not take long/much for anxiety patterns to multiply and strengthen, yet it takes a very long process to undue them.  Of course, vaginismus makes that a challenge.

The solution should include

  • Not medicalizing the problem – the vagina is typically fine, only nervous;
  • Not artificializing it by engaging in unnecessary rituals and patterns;
  • Not enabling the anxiety – the very key factor;
  • Normalizing penetration: make it work for you as if on ‘auto pilot.’

So, to answer the original question: no need for a lengthy preparatory activity before penetration.  A quick reflection of acceptance, a quick exhalation upon initial insertion, and a quick reminder that the vagina was built to function should do it.

Seek professional intervention if you cannot master it on your own.

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