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Vaginismus self-help

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A common statement from women with primary vaginismus or from their partners: “We believed that trying intercourse again and again, keeping at it repeatedly, will relax the muscles and cure the problem.  We don’t understand why it did not.”

This intuitive self-help thinking is understandable: you work hard at something and it improves.  However,  the reasons why it does not usually work with vaginismus are:

  1. The cure has nothing to do with the pelvic floor muscles despite a widely-popular misconception that it IS the root of the problem.  It is not!
  2. Failed penetration attempts as well as repeated painful penetrations always build up anxiety within the suffering woman, making the vaginismus bigger, more stressful, dreaded.
  3. Anxiety has no logic; it feeds on stress; it strengthens with emotional crisis; it traps the woman in an endless cycle of pain-anguish-more anxiety-more distress-a tighter vagina, etc.

More is only better when the cure includes anxiety management.

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  • In need of help says:

    It has been more than seven years since I started having sex with my boyfriend. In my religion and culture sex before marriage is considered a bad thing. So that was a big deal for me and my body felt a shoke during our first sex. I didn’t know and plan on losing my virginity that night. I jumped from under him as it was unbearable. Since then I would enjoy every thing up until he tries to go inside where I will fell my muscles contract out of my control. I would have to take a minute to relax and let him in. I’ve come a long was in controlling my reaction but can’t still enjoy intercourse. I just learned it was common in most women the past few days.
    As there are no sex therapist in my country can you please suggest how I could help my self?

  • Sheryl says:

    Thanks so much for posting! Thats something I need to remember