Vaginismus self-help

A common statement from women with primary vaginismus or from their partners: “We believed that trying intercourse again and again, keeping at it repeatedly, will relax the muscles and cure the problem.  We don’t understand why it did not.”

This intuitive self-help thinking is understandable: you work hard at something and it improves.  However,  the reasons why it does not usually work with vaginismus are:

1. The cure has nothing to do with the pelvic floor muscles despite a widely-popular misconception that it IS the root of the problem.  It is not!
2. Failed penetration attempts as well as repeated painful penetrations always build up anxiety within the suffering woman, making the vaginismus bigger, more stressful, dreaded.
3. Anxiety has no logic; it feeds on stress; it strengthens with emotional crisis; it traps the woman in an endless cycle of pain-anguish-more anxiety-more distress-a tighter vagina, etc.

More is only better when the cure includes anxiety management.