A common statement from women with primary vaginismus or from their partners: “We believed that trying intercourse again and again, keeping at it repeatedly, will relax the muscles and cure the problem. We don’t understand why it did not.”
This intuitive self-help thinking is understandable: you work hard at something and it improves. However, the reasons why it does not usually work with vaginismus are:
- The cure has nothing to do with the pelvic floor muscles despite a widely-popular misconception that it IS the root of the problem. It is not!
- Failed penetration attempts as well as repeated painful penetrations always build up anxiety within the suffering woman, making the vaginismus bigger, more stressful, dreaded.
- Anxiety has no logic; it feeds on stress; it strengthens with emotional crisis; it traps the woman in an endless cycle of pain-anguish-more anxiety-more distress-a tighter vagina, etc.
More is only better when the cure includes anxiety management.
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It has been more than seven years since I started having sex with my boyfriend. In my religion and culture sex before marriage is considered a bad thing. So that was a big deal for me and my body felt a shoke during our first sex. I didn’t know and plan on losing my virginity that night. I jumped from under him as it was unbearable. Since then I would enjoy every thing up until he tries to go inside where I will fell my muscles contract out of my control. I would have to take a minute to relax and let him in. I’ve come a long was in controlling my reaction but can’t still enjoy intercourse. I just learned it was common in most women the past few days.
As there are no sex therapist in my country can you please suggest how I could help my self?
That is a typical vaginismus reaction. Speak with your doctor about options in your country.
Thanks so much for posting! Thats something I need to remember