Dr. Ditza, Dr. Ross, Dr. Lauren,
Vaginismus had been part of my identity as long as I can remember, from the time I was 10 and heard about tampons for the first time to my horror. Vaginismus was the most hated, hidden part of my identity that I was silently but constantly aware of. Not being able to be a “normal” woman over the years has really eaten me away inside, exhausted me, and made me less confident. I didn’t know if I’d ever be cured. I was scared even of getting cured because that would mean I’d have to undergo penetration God forbid. I would wonder why me? Why did I have to be born this way, while simultaneously wondering how vaginismus wasn’t more common, as my fear of penetration seemed so logical in my vaginismus brain.
You all have freed me from the prison I was living in all these years. I hope you realize that you have truly changed my life forever for the better.
There is a verse from the Quran that I love: God does not burden a soul with more than it can bear (2:286). Having overcome vaginismus, I know that this verse is true, and while I knew that before, conquering vaginismus has proven to me that I can conquer anything in life. If I can face my greatest fear, my greatest struggle, and conquer it, I can do anything. That’s why I’m now grateful for having had vaginismus, and for overcoming it, because it has made me a stronger person as a result. I found strength inside me that I didn’t know existed, and that is thanks to you ladies.
If it wasn’t for you pushing me those first days, I know for a fact I wouldn’t have had my breakthrough. You forced me to make a decision, either I continue to let vaginismus run my life, or I suck it up and try something new. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much for your effortlessly relaxing presence, and of course your magic dust. It’s because of you that this program felt so easy, and being here in general. You have such a warm energy, and made me feel so comfortable around you always.
Thank you for always bringing humor and logic to my anxious, vaginismus brain. Yes, we’d all be extinct if penetration was painful. Duh!
But we’re not extinct, and I feel more alive than ever. Thank you ladies for saving me. I’ll miss all of you!
September 22, 2016