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Will he leave me?

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How often have you heard or read these statements? Many Moms and Grandmas surely believe these are the facts of life. The media hypes quite a bit about it too: be a good sexual partner or he will not stay with you… So, they must be believable, right?

The fact: not necessarily, not always, not true.

There are many factors that play into a man’s decision to leave a relationship, and although the want for intercourse is an important component, it is not always the main reason for breaking up.

Men can survive without sex — it is not a mandatory life-or-death bodily need. Having said that, it saddens us to witness some cultures/religions/male partners who mandate the woman to submit sexuality so that her man can be (sexually) happy. It is doubly sad at these time of striving for women’s equality in the sexual arena.

However, let’s face it: with sexual intimacy being a key vehicle for his intimate expression, repercussions will happen when intercourse is missing. But will he leave???

Not necessarily.

Most men stay because they value the deep friendship/bond that the relationship offers and are willing to compromise their sexual menu by limiting it to outercourse. Are they totally happy sexually? Not really, but the other benefits outweigh the loss. Are they happy with the relationship itself? Typically yes. Are they still hoping the vaginismus will be cured and intercourse added to their lives? Absolutely. On a further note, those who have kids will find a larger purpose for staying.

Naturally, there will be those who may indeed opt to leave and pursue a worry-free sexual path, especially if it has been a short-term relationship. A few may leave if they see that the woman is not doing all she can to cure her vaginismus.

Bottom line: vaginismus is  not a death sentence for a relationship.

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  • Sheridan says:

    I would like to express my high regard of your writing talent and ability to make reader to read the while thing to the end. I would like to read more of your blog posts and to share my outlook with you. I will be your frequent visitor, that is for certain.

  • amy says:

    I was married for over 6 years without having sex. My husband and I both struggled with overcoming vaginismus but we stuck together and stayed strong… and after visiting the WTC are now able to fully enjoy sex! WAHOO for that! Great post… I had those thoughts a million times over during our first years of marriage.

  • claire says:

    How do you find someone and begin a relationship when there is the inability to have intercourse? I am a very sexual person, yet can not have intercourse because of vaginal radiation treatment. Unless a man is small (4″..are there penis’s this small?), penetration isn’t possible at the moment. I’m quite confident in my outercourse abilities, and am very open to intimate adventures if I am with someone I care about, but how on earth do you approach this subject when you are dating? I am so frustrated by this whole situation.

    • imran nazir says:

      Hi, I just would like to inform you that there may be amongst men who may have some spinal injury/back trauma etc and who also cannot have a satifying painless sex. It would be more easy to find such men. They would love you and respect you and the relationship would be on equal ground. Believe me they are not any less frustrated when it comes to finding the special one. (darksafari@yahoo.com)

  • Georgina says:

    My husband goes on without it for months! I am the one asking.

  • Maryann says:

    So, show me a man that don’t want have sex at least on time by week!!

  • Bill says:

    interesting….read mine