Now Available:
Online Treatment Programs for Vaginismus and Painful Sex

Why is my vagina so small? My vagina seemed just small or tight

Ever since I got my period around age 13, I knew I was different. Tampons were just a disappointment every time I tried. I would get flustered to the point where I would feel light-headed just from attempts to insert them. I would even try inserting them sideways so that they wouldn’t actually go inside me. I wanted to believe that after intercourse, they would go in easier. I thought that my vagina was just abnormally small or tight. Why is my vagina so small?

Nothing fits in my vagina.

Years later, at 19 years old, all my friends in college were sexually active. I was always scared of sex. I was afraid that it would hurt because of the whole idea of “breaking the hymen” and bleeding. People would always talk about their experiences, and I would stay silent. I felt completely awkward. People always asked how many people I had been with. I was okay with being a virgin because I was raised not to have sex until I was in love, but not necessarily to wait until marriage. However, this stigma attached to it because I knew there was a problem with me, but I never actually thought that intercourse would be impossible. I just knew that I was terrified of it.

A year into college, I started a relationship. He tried to put a finger in, which was very painful. Sex would not work. I would tell him to get off me and then do everything other than penetration. This went on for 6 months of our relationship before I began to seriously think about my problem and how or if I could ever fix it.

Why is my vaginal opening so small?

I Googled my problem plenty of times but ended up exiting because I didn’t want to accept the fact that I needed help. I tried telling myself that if I really loved him, I would let him inside me. This led to more disappointment and tears when it wouldn’t work. My boyfriend was completely understanding and patient. He never pressured me at all, but I was not happy with myself. I kept thinking to myself, “If one of my friends can have sex with over 40 men, why can’t I do it with someone I really love?”

Later on, I found the TLC episode that featured vaginismus with Drs. Ross and Ditza. Everything pointed back to my problem. This was when I knew I had vaginismus. It gave me a little hope that someone had been cured out there, even if the office was in another state than mine.

In July 2015, my parents took me to a Brian Wilson concert. Around this time, all I was thinking about was my problem. I was crying every day. I would call my boyfriend for comfort, and he would tell me to be patient with myself. I knew I needed help from the Women’s Therapy Center (WTC), but I was so embarrassed to tell my parents that I needed to drive over 2 hours to seek help for something that is so simple for every other girl.

At the concert, I went to the bathroom with my mom and told her that I might need to see a specialist for my problem. She knew about it already, because I had told her that I could not have a gynecologist exam. She told me she thought that I just needed to relax. I was so frustrated hearing this so many times. I have tried drinking, smoking, and taking anxiety pills before sex. Nothing worked. The only way I could be more relaxed as if I was dead! I started crying at the concert.. in front of people. I am NOT someone who cries in front of anyone, and I rarely cry at all. My parents tried to comfort me and told me they would look into bringing me to WTC, but I still didn’t feel better. I felt shame and sadness. I felt like a burden. I remember my dad telling me, “Jenni, to every problem, there is a solution.” There was a small glimmer of hope.

The days leading up to my first session were filled with anxiety. I was so confident that I was going to be the one case that they couldn’t cure. I was so scared of spacers. I could not even think of using them. Once I got to WTC and met the doctors, I felt better. Each session got easier. I had a couple of sessions each week. I began to realize that my anatomy is not abnormal. I was not just tight. My anxiety became easier to cope with each week.

In August of 2015, I was finally cured a few weeks earlier than we had thought. I was so proud of myself. Having intercourse for the first time was something that made me feel normal. I almost couldn’t believe it.

I cannot thank the ladies of WTC enough for all their patience, guidance, and constant support. To this day, they are still just a text message away. They played a huge part in my life. At 20 years old, I am cured, thanks to Dr. Ross, Dr. Lauren, Dr. Ditza, and especially my parents. I am so grateful that I have been cured and have a healthy life ahead of me.

If you are thinking about going to the WTC, GO! Do not let anxiety consume you. Take control of your body and mind. You will feel amazing when you see that light at the end of the tunnel.

– Jenni ♥
October 2015

About The Author

vaginismus specialist Dr. Ditza Katz team member Women's Therapy Center
  • Amira March 7, 2019 at 10:16 pm / Reply

    I’m having the same problem, my vagina is way to small & I’m a virgin, so ofc it hurts, but after multiple tries and getting aroused, my partner still couldn’t fit it in me.

    • Ditza Katz March 20, 2019 at 7:01 pm / Reply

      See your gynecologist for an examination, and to find out if you have vaginismus.

    • Miss RE 4002 May 18, 2019 at 10:00 am / Reply

      A dildo is good to practice with and bether than veg which goes soggy after a while. I bought mine in a sex shop. The sex shop didn’t have any thing at the front window because of what the shop is about. I went in and the shop was very small in it there was lots of sex toys. The reason I went there is because I was using a candle in me and it broke in half. In the shop I bought a glass dildo.

  • Karin Fludd February 24, 2019 at 7:27 pm / Reply

    Having the same issue!!!

  • Ella February 11, 2019 at 12:00 am / Reply

    I need help too… I’ve tried to have sex with my boyfriend for a couple of times bt it seems my vaginal is just too small nd his dick can’t go in, pls wat should I do?

    • Ditza Katz February 11, 2019 at 7:43 pm / Reply

      Speak with your doctor about your vagina (to make sure it is normal), and then read about vaginismus.

  • Avanti January 16, 2019 at 5:04 am / Reply

    I have similar issue. Can you help me ?

  • Diya usman November 7, 2018 at 10:05 pm / Reply

    I need help too

  • Mambwe Zulu October 17, 2018 at 6:46 am / Reply

    I have a concern I have been married for a month now and my husband and I haven’t had penetrative sex. I feel as though my Virgina is too small and every time we to try it becomes so painful and undesirable. Please help me
    Kind regards

    • Ditza Katz October 17, 2018 at 3:31 pm / Reply

      It is rare that a vagina will be small, but common for the issue to be due to vaginismus. Check out the information about vaginismus on our website ( and direct any other questions to our office: [email protected]

  • sebahat October 5, 2018 at 4:19 pm / Reply

    Can you please tell what did they do exactly. I am married and 30 years old now. Feel so bad. I am not in states. Could you please tell what did they do. Because trying to insert finger didn’t work for me.we had therapies nothing seems to work

    • Ditza Katz October 8, 2018 at 2:18 pm / Reply

      Sorry to hear. Contact us at the office for further information: [email protected]

    • Mezzie November 17, 2018 at 4:40 am / Reply

      I’m in the same boat. Sometimes i feel like my husband is my roommate. While my husband has never pressured me and loves me, I feel guilty that i can’t provide the intimacy that any other women would be able to give him easily. I’m 29 and want to have kids, but just thinking about this is making me cry. To this day i’ve never let my husband see me cry about this. I’ve never even told my sister about this, they think my husband and I have the perfect marriage and that we are just waiting for the right time to have kids.

Post a comment

Table of Contents